


Sun Shines Down On You

by marklesung



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, First Love, Fluff, Happy Ending, M/M, Unrequited Love, all of it are in jaemin's pov, but not in the way you picture it, i think, its not heavy bullying dont worry, jaemin is whipped, marknohyuck doesn't really appear sorry, mentions of bullying, rated teen because of slight cursing, the angst doesn't really hurt, they're basically background characters sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-07
Updated: 2021-01-07
Packaged: 2021-03-18 02:47:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,110
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28610817
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/marklesung/pseuds/marklesung
Summary: At age 10, Jaemin tells himself that if he wants to date any of his friends, it's not going to be Chenle. Chenle isn't his type anyway so it's not going to be a problem.Few years later, Jaemin realizes, fuck he does have a problem.(or Jaemin learns what's it like to fall in love with the human incarnation of the sun)
Relationships: Minor or Background Relationship(s), Na Jaemin & Zhong Chen Le, Na Jaemin/Zhong Chen Le, Park Jisung/Zhong Chen Le
Comments: 12
Kudos: 55





	Sun Shines Down On You

**Author's Note:**

> my first fic for 2021 we and it's jaemle we-
> 
> also theres mentions of bullying ahead but its not heavy and there's nothing graphic, just heads up!
> 
> all of this will be in jaemin's pov!! happy reading!

If you asked 10 years old Jaemin what Chenle is to him, he would say that Chenle is that one friend he would never date.

At the age of 10, the question of what type of person you would date has been really famous among Jaemin's class. Naturally, Jaemin tries to figure out what type of person he would date too.

The first on the list is that the person must be a boy because 10 years old Jaemin has long figured out that he is not interested in girls, at least not in a romantic sense. 

The second thing on the list is that the person must be as caring as his best friend Renjun is. Renjun acts tough on the outside but he cares so much about the people around him. He always makes sure everyone have breakfast before going to school (or he puts them in a headlock but nonetheless the thoughts are what matters) and always reminds Jaemin to be careful before doing dumb stuff. Renjun especially cares about his little cousin Chenle of course, not only because Chenle's the youngest between all of them but also because Chenle is careless and forgetful. 

The third thing on the list is that the person must be reliable and responsible like Mark. Mark is every teachers and parents' favourite. He always finishes his work on time and always answers the question when the teachers ask them. Mark also helps his parents whenever they need help and always prepares gifts for his parents during a special occasion. Mark is the person their friends always count on when they need someone to listen or talk to because he's older and he probably knows better. 

The fourth thing on the list is that the person must be as fun as Donghyuck. Sure Jaemin wants to date someone caring and responsible but he thinks he doesn't want them to be too grumpy or boring. Donghyuck is fun to be around. He's funny and he always has a comeback for every comment. Donghyuck always makes Jaemin laugh until his face becomes red and his lungs out of air. He's also playful and he knows exactly what to say to make someone smile. Also, Donghyuck has the best toys in the world so that's fun. 

The fifth and last thing on the list is that Jaemin wants to date someone as patient as Jeno. Jeno has the patience of whatever it is that's most patience in the world. Even when Renjun and Donghyuck are bickering, Chenle screaming or Jaemin cackling devilishly, Jeno always seems to just smile and goes on. He gets mad so rarely and Jaemin wonders how he does that. Jeno would always be the peacemaker between them and he always handles their antics as if it's not that annoying (Jaemin thinks Mark would like to beg to differ because Jaemin swears one of these days Mark would just walks out of the room if he has to spend another second with them bullying him). Jeno is patient with all of them and Jaemin thinks only a person like that would date him.

Sometimes Jaemin spends his time looking around at his friends and thinks yes he would date any of them (if he's that desperate) but that would be gross. 

Well, he would date any of them except Chenle.

Jaemin and the rest (minus Renjun) met Chenle approximately 5 months ago when Renjun introduced them to his little cousin. Chenle has been a cute kid, bright eyes and confused smiles. He understands only a bit of korean and still requires Renjun's help to translate stuff for him. 

Mark takes him under his wings because he and Chenle can bond over their ability to speak english. Donghyuck, unexpectedly, also forms a bond with Chenle because Chenle shares his love for food and music. It took them a few weeks and Chenle is finally one of them. 

Chenle is the youngest between them all, thus making him the most childish (in Jaemin's opinion). He's careless and forgetful. He always seems to leave something behind or just doesn't give much thought to his safety. He's always the one who jumps at the opportunity to do something like trying to skateboard like Jeno or just runs to the rain so he can play in it. Renjun always scolds him but Chenle just laughs it off.

Chenle is also so clumsy which is not a good combination to the careless and forgetful thing. He scrapes his knees after trying to learn how to skateboard, bumps into too many corners and tables and drops his stuff way too often. He has a loud laugh and usually doesn't really care about pretty much everything. 

Overall, Chenle is cute and Jaemin still loves him like how he loves the rest of his friends.

But Jaemin decides if he has to date one of his friends, it's not going to be Chenle. He's just not his type.

  
  


☆

  
  


Apparently, 12 years old Jaemin would like to disagree.

Jaemin isn’t one to dwell in sadness. He doesn’t see the point of thinking about things that makes you sad. He prefers to cry about it for a while and leave without ever thinking or talking about it. But sometimes things just get too sad for Jaemin to actually ignore or forget. Sometimes the sad things get into his head more than he likes them to and he ends up spending days just thinking about them. The thoughts would eat him up and put his mood down.

Which is exactly why Jaemin is sitting on the school’s rooftop alone instead of going to eat lunch at the cafeteria with his friends. He stares blankly at his pink Ryan lunch box, a gift his mother had bought him for his birthday last year considering his love for the colour pink. Jaemin had brought it to school and used it constantly. He proudly shows it off to everyone as if it’s no big deal. 

Jaemin has always loved the colour pink, he wears outfits with said colour all the time. He uses pink pens and notebooks without much care about what other people think. The colour pink makes Jaemin feel happy and secure, confident too in a way. It doesn’t bother Jaemin that sometimes the guys in his class would look at him weirdly, it’s none of their business after all. That is of course, until the older boys at his school take notice.

It starts off small. At first it was just them glaring at Jaemin, looking disgusted whenever Jaemin would bring out his lunch box or use his pens. The action has been so simple that Jaemin himself doesn’t notice it. 

Then, they start to act. Every time Jaemin would walk past them they would purposely say something mean about him, like “How disgusting, what kind of guy likes to wear pink?” or “If he keeps it up, nobody would like him.” and so on. Jaemin tries to turn deaf toward their comments but they keep trying to get to him, even going as far as purposely going to the places Jaemin would go just to bad mouth him. 

The final push has been when one of them purposely trips Jaemin on his way out of the school, making him land on his stomach and his belongings scatter on the floor. They step on his stuff, his notebooks, his bag and just laugh at him. One of them even pulls Jaemin up by his collar, looking at him with so much disgust.

“Get out of this school, freak.” The guy sneers at him, before finally dropping him to the ground harshly. The older boys laugh uncaringly, leaving Jaemin on the ground with his broken stuff and tears.

It has been three days since the incident and Jaemin doesn’t bother telling any of his friends about it, not wanting to worry them. He sticks close to his friends, knowing that the bullies wouldn’t get to him if he’s not alone. He acts like he’s fine around them, laughing along to their silly jokes and trying to act like everything is fine. But it’s not because the bullies still continue to give him glares and disgusted looks even when they can’t directly bully him. 

Today has been slightly different as Jaemin opts to eat alone at the rooftop during lunch time. He lies to his friend, telling them that he has to meet up with a teacher and it’s probably going to take up his whole lunch time. 

The truth is, Jaemin has stayed up all night thinking about the words the bullies told him. He can’t shake the feelings away. The sadness and insecurities eat him up since last night, making him cry himself to sleep. He knows he won’t be able to face his friends and pretend to feel alright today, not when he feels absolutely crushed. So he chooses to spend his lunch alone because at least if he cries, no one would know.

"I thought you would be here."

Jaemin looks up to face the familiar voice. Chenle stands in front of him, his lunch box and fruit juice in his hands.

"Lele, what are you doing here?" Jaemin asks, putting on his practiced smile. 

Chenle doesn't answer immediately, instead he walks to the bench Jaemin is sitting on and sits next to him. 

"You weren't there at lunch." Chenle says, simply as if that explains everything.

"I just….have stuff to do." Jaemin lies, even when he knows there's not much use to it.

"Hyung, don't lie." Chenle's voice turns stern as he looks at Jaemin. The change in his tone surprises Jaemin a bit. Chenle has never been one to act strict. He's always the one with a bright voice and a smile on his face. 

"Lele…." Jaemin bites his lower lips, avoiding Chenle's gaze. 

"You don't look very happy these few days, hyung. Does something happen?" Chenle asks, voice dripping with concern. Jaemin gulps, knowing fully well that he can't lie to Chenle. Despite being the youngest, Chenle is always alert about how his friends' are feeling. He's always the first one to notice if someone feels awful or sad. He also never fails to be the person's comfort in times of need.

"Yes, something did happen." Jaemin sighs before finally telling Chenle the whole story. He talks about the bullying, the words they said to him and how the words bothers him. He told him about his sadness and insecurities. Jaemin watches how Chenle's face morphs into anger, sadness and concern. 

"Hyung, you shouldn't believe them." Chenle states after Jaemin finishes explaining things that happen. Jaemin stays quiet, allowing Chenle to continue.

"Their opinions shouldn't matter, hyung. You're just being yourself and doing what you like. If they have a problem with it then it's on them. You don't deserve to hear their stupid opinions." 

Jaemin has never seen Chenle this serious before. He looks at Jaemin with concern and so much care. He looks at Jaemin as if he cares about Jaemin more than anyone else. He looks at Jaemin as if Jaemin deserves so much love. And Jaemin would be a liar if he says that doesn't make his heart skip a beat. 

"If they ever bother you again, hyung, you can tell me and I'll fight them!" Chenle jokes and Jaemin laughs at that.

"You can't fight, Lele. You're 11 and you're small."

"Hey, I can fight! If I can't then I'll ask Renjun gege to do it for me!" 

Jaemin laughs again, his sadness has long gone. There's a silence between them before Chenle breaks it again.

"Besides, hyung," He starts, looking at Jaemin with his sparkly eyes, "the only opinions that should matter are the ones by people that you love. And I think you look very handsome in pink!" Chenle says with a smile so bright.

Jaemin doesn't know why his cheeks turn pink. He turns the other and mutters a thank you. Chenle hums in response.

That night, as Jaemin lays on his bed, he thinks about Chenle's words and well, Chenle himself. And he wonders, when does Chenle look so cute and why does his heart beat so fast at the thought of him?

  
  


☆

  
  


At 14, Jaemin thinks something is wrong with him.

No, Jaemin thinks something is wrong with him since the day Chenle comforts him about the bullying, two years ago. At first it was just small things. He starts to notice how cute Chenle looks whenever he smiles so hard that his whiskers dimples appear. He starts to notice how sometimes when Chenle talks, he slips into an accented korean. 

At night, whenever Jaemin can't sleep, he thought of Chenle. He thought of Chenle playing his piano. He thought of Chenle and his cute nose scrunch. He thought of Chenle's sparkly eyes and wonders, did the stars know that they had a rival? 

Sometimes, Jaemin finds himself wanting to touch Chenle. Not inappropriately, never. Just small touches like holding his hand or pulling him into a hug or pinching his cheeks. He does it, of course, doing as much skinship as he wants with Chenle. Often he claims it's because Chenle is the youngest and the cutest but somehow it felt like a lie.

It confuses Jaemin. What did Chenle do that makes Jaemin feel like his head is spinning? Maybe it's because Jaemin is fond of kids, that's it. Jaemin likes cute things and cute people and Chenle just happens to be one of them. There, problems are solved.

But deep down, Jaemin knows the questions are far from being answered.

  
  
  
  
  
  


"Mark, you walk so slow!" Donghyuck complains as the five of them wait for Mark to reach them. Mark rolls his eyes but doesn't bother to walk faster, just to spite Donghyuck.

"It's the old people thing. It's okay, Mark! If you're tired take a rest!" Chenle teases causing the others to laugh and joins in the banter. 

"Ha ha. Very funny. I'm just taking my time, we literally don't need to rush." Mark says, shaking his head at their behaviour. 

"Now that we're at the park, I'm gonna go skateboarding." Jeno sets his skateboard down to the ground, putting one foot on the skateboard.

"Woah, skateboarding! Can I learn, hyung?" Chenle asks, unable to hide his excitement. Jeno, who's absolutely fond of Chenle, pinches his cheek and nods. 

"Be careful this time, Lele. Last time you did this you scraped your knees." Renjun warns to which Chenle replies with a cheeky grin.

"I'll be okay, gege!" Chenle shouts before running to join Jeno. 

"Mark and I are gonna go buy some ice cream, you guys want one?" Donghyuck asks, turning to face Jaemin and Renjun.

"I never agree to this?!" Mark exclaims but Donghyuck just shushes him.

"Yeah, sure. Just buy me the usual ice cream." Renjun states before taking his place under the shaded tree, already pulling out his sketchbook.

"Yeah, me too." Jaemin replies to which Donghyuck nods at before dragging a tired Mark to the nearby ice cream parlor. Jaemin walks to sit next to Renjun, opting not to play anything this time.

"The weather's nice, Nana. Aren't you gonna take a photo?" Renjun asks, eyes never leaving his sketchbook.

"I'm not really up to it, right now. Probably just gonna sit here and relax." Jaemin says. His eyes follow Jeno and Chenle. Jeno is currently holding Chenle's hand as Chenle tries to stabilize himself on the skateboard. Jaemin couldn't help the smile that grace his face when he sees Chenle laughing at something Jeno said. 

"Hey, Jun?" Jaemin calls, eyes never leaving Chenle. Renjun hums in response.

"What's that weird feeling you have when you can't stop thinking about someone? Or when you want to hold their hand so badly?" Jaemin questions. He hears Renjun stop drawing and he could feel Renjun's gaze on him. But Jaemin doesn't bother returning the gaze. He's not sure if it's because he's afraid of the answer or just too shy.

"Nana, that sounds like a crush." At that, something inside Jaemin clicks.

_ Oh my god. _

Jaemin is a foreigner when it comes to crushes or romantic feelings. Sure there are boys who he thinks are cute and attractive but never to the point where he develops a crush on them. He's not familiar with the sensation of butterflies in the stomach or heart beating so fast like a drum. But yet, everything that Renjun has said made complete sense to him. There's no other explanation as to why Jaemin always thought of Chenle. Why Jaemin goes the extra mile just to make Chenle laugh. Why Jaemin feels like his head is spinning when all Chenle did was touching him.

There's no other explanation besides the fact that Jaemin has a huge crush on Chenle.

"Renjun, whatㅡ"

"CHENLE!" 

Renjun yells and quickly, both Renjun and Jaemin stand up, rushing to Chenle who had just fallen from Jeno's skateboard and on his stomach. When they arrive there, Jeno is holding Chenle's elbow, helping the boy to sit up. Chenle hisses in pain and Jaemin watches in horror as he sees Chenle's now bloodied knee and elbow.

"Chenle, are you okay? Did it hurt?" Renjun panics and chooses to crouch down, examining Chenle's bruises carefully.

"Gege…" Chenle whines, hissing once again and watching his elbow and knees worriedly. 

"I don't think he can walk properly. We need to patch him up." Jeno tells them, helping Chenle stand up slowly.

"Lele," Jaemin calls and Chenle looks at him, "Get on hyung's back. I'm gonna carry you to my house. It's the closest one here." With that, Jaemin crouches down, back facing Chenle. 

Hesitantly, Chenle gets on his back and Jaemin puts his arms under Chenle's knees to support him. Jaemin couldn't help the blush that appeared on his cheeks when Chenle rested his face on his shoulder. He gulps, before turning to face his friends and hoping that they don't notice his flustered expression.

"You guys get Donghyuck and Mark. I'm gonna bring him to my home." Jaemin says. He doesn't wait for their answer and quickly turns around to bring Chenle back to his house. 

"Did it hurt?" Jaemin asks, voice soft as they walk to Jaemin's house. 

"Yeah, a bit." Chenle answers, burying his head further into Jaemin's neck. Jaemin doesn't want to admit that the way his heart beat is caused by Chenle. 

"You need to be careful, Lele. You always jump into doing things before thinking it through." Jaemin advises, his voice stern. From where they are walking, Jaemin can see his house. They're getting close.

"I'm sorry, hyung." 

When they arrive at Jaemin's house, Jaemin sets Chenle on the living room sofa. Jaemin notes how the house is empty. His parents are probably out to town and won't be back for later. Jaemin walks to the kitchen and opens the cabinet that contains the first aid kit. He brings the kit to the living room and sets it on the table in front of the tv. 

"Hold on, it's going to hurt a little." Jaemin crouches down and applies the ointment on Chenle's knee using one of the cotton buds. Chenle hisses in pain, grabbing Jaemin's shoulder for support. After Jaemin is done with his knee, he moves to Chenle's elbow. He carefully applies the ointment again, this time watching Chenle's face, trying to see any signs of hurt.

Once he's done treating Chenle, Jaemin cleans everything up, leaving Chenle in the living room before returning back to sit next to him.

"Are you…mad, hyung?" Chenle asks carefully, his voice turns a bit quiet as if he was scared. Jaemin sighs.

"Of course not, Lele. I'm just worried about you." Jaemin turns to face Chenle, giving him a soft smile. He brings Chenle close to him, wrapping his arm around Chenle's shoulder and resting his head on Chenle's head. Skinship isn't something that Jaemin is shy to do. Even if he's hesitant when it comes to Chenle, he still does it, feigning it as a brotherly affection.

"You need to be more careful. Otherwise you can get hurt badly." 

"Okay, hyung." Chenle nods, bringing himself closer to Jaemin, laying his head on Jaemin's shoulder. Jaemin tightens his hold on Chenle. He could feel his heart bursting when Chenle sighs in content, loving the affections he gets.

The conversation that he had with Renjun starts repeating in his head and Jaemin thinks he's so screwed.

  
  
  
  
  
  


"Hyung," Chenle calls from his place on the piano seat, eyes still staring at the piano keys. 

"Yeah?" Jaemin responds, looking up to the ceiling. He's laying down on the floor of Chenle's very own music room, a room Chenle's parents gave to him so that he can practice his piano.

"Do you think I'll be able to do well?" Chenle asks, his voice lacks the usual confidence. 

Chenle has been on edge about his first piano recital ever since the day he found out about it. Chenle, being a lowkey perfectionist, ends up spending half of his time practicing his piece. Instead of hanging out with them after school, Chenle went straight home to practice. He takes extra piano lessons during the weekends to perfect his skill. Renjun has to force Chenle to go out and relax. Chenle doesn't dare to fight because it's Renjun. 

Jaemin hasn't seen Chenle before today. To tell the truth, Jaemin misses him, so much. It's weird because Jaemin has never missed any of his friends this much before. He misses Chenle's voice, laughs, cute nose wrinkles, starry eyes, smiles and literally everything about Chenle. It feels empty to spend his days without seeing Chenle as if something is out of the loop when Chenle's not around.

So that's why, on impulse, Jaemin decides to visit Chenle on this fine Sunday evening.

"Of course you do well, Lele," Jaemin says because he knows it's true. Chenle will do well.

"You're just saying that because you're my friend," Chenle replies and knowing him, he's probably pouting now. Jaemin can't help but grin at that thought. He stands up and walks to sit next to Chenle.

"No, I'm saying that because it's true," Jaemin turns to face Chenle who's eyes never leave his piano.

"What if they don't like my performance? What if I made a mistake on stage?" 

Jaemin decides to wrap his arm around Chenle's shoulder, pulling him into a comfortable snuggle in an attempt to wash his worries away. Jaemin rested his head on Chenle's head, noting the smell of Chenle's coconut shampoo. 

"One mistake or two shouldn't define your performance, Lele. What's important is that you do well and perform well. You're going to perform on stage and steal everyone's heart because you're the best! Everyone is going to fall in love with you and talk about you even after years to come!" Jaemin says, the tone in his voice is cheerful and proud, looking at Chenle with a big smile. 

Chenle laughs, nudging at Jaemin slightly, "You're just saying that because you're my friend."

"But I'm right, aren't I?ㅡ" Jaemin winks, making Chenle rolls his eyes playfully, "ㅡso what if they don't like your performance? The only opinions that should matter are the ones by people you love. And I think you're going to do a spectacular, show stopping and never been done before performance!"

Chenle laughs again, eyes forming a slanted line and his whiskers dimple appearing. Jaemin feels his heart bubbles with so much warmth and love from the sight in front of him. 

"Using my words against me, what a cheat!" Chenle jokes, turning to face Jaemin with a sunny smile on his face. 

"Hyung?" Chenle calls after his laughter dies down, "Can you sit at the front during the recitals? Just…to watch me and give me strength. Please?" Chenle stares at him with his puppy dog eyes, making Jaemin smile fondly at him.

"Of course, Lele."

The night during the recital, among all the pianists that perform, Jaemin thinks Chenle steals the whole show.

And perhaps, his heart too.

  
  


☆

  
  


At 17, Park Jisung enters the picture.

Jisung is easily one of the most charming people Jaemin has ever known. He’s a sweetheart. He cares about his friends and family a lot, always puts other people first before himself and is ready to help someone regardless of the situation. He’s also awkward and shy but yet it makes him even more endearing. Jisung also has godlike visuals. There’s magic in the way Jisung smiles his gummy smile and the way he ruffles his hair. To add on, he’s famous among Jeno and Jaemin’s dance crew, not only because of his undeniable good persona and captivating visuals but also because of his skills in dancing. Arguably, Jisung is one of their top dancers. With his sharp dance moves and agility not to mention his talent, Jisung could easily dominate the whole stage and capture people’s attention. 

It’s impossible to not love Park Jisung. Jaemin himself falls for Jisung’s charm and has named himself Jisung’s second mother. Jisung is born with a charming personality, excellent talents and amazing visuals. Jisung is so easy to like and every single person has fallen for his charms.

So, it’s no surprise when Jisung moves to their school, everyone is immediately bewitched by him. Jeno and Jaemin made it their mission to take Jisung under their wings and introduce him to their friend group. And as predicted, all of their friends like him.

It takes a while for Jisung to be comfortable with them because of his naturally shy and awkward nature. He only ever joins the conversations if they ask him questions or just to laugh along with their jokes. To no one’s surprise, the first person aside from Jeno and Jaemin that Jisung immediately connects to is Chenle. Maybe it’s because they’re the same age or maybe it’s because of Chenle’s friendliness, the two of them become quick friends.

But after a few months, Jaemin could see that there’s something more to their relationship than what they lead other people to believe.

It starts small, Jisung always picking the seat next to Chenle every time they hang out, Jisung laughing at all the jokes that Chenle tells, Jisung and Chenle hanging out together just two of them and just them being best friends with each other. It shouldn’t be weird, after all they’re friends. It’s normal for them to hang out together. At least, that’s what Jaemin tries to tell himself.

_ It’s normal, they’re just friends,  _ Jaemin says in his head and yet he can’t deny the way Jisung looks at Chenle. Because Jisung looks at Chenle as if he’s the most important person in the room, as if he’s the only one worth paying attention to, as if Chenle is a masterpiece in a room full of arts.

Because Jisung looks at Chenle the same way Jaemin does for the past 5 years. Like he possesses nothing but love for Chenle.

Jaemin shakes his head. He shouldn’t be assuming other people’s feelings. It’s not his business if Jisung has feelings for Chenle or not. He doesn’t have the right to know and he doesn’t want to know. So what if Jisung has feelings for Chenle? It’s not Jaemin’s place to judge him or make bizarre assumptions and theories. He shouldn’t care and yet he did. He shouldn’t feel hurt and yet he did. 

_ Get it out of your head Na Jaemin,  _ he tells himself, again and again as if it’s a mantra. He could only hope that it works.

  
  
  
  
  
  


"I feel like dying," Jaemin mumbles as he lays his head on top of his English textbook, a pout appearing on his face.

"English isn't even that hard," Chenle says, looking at Jaemin unamused. 

"It is to me! What does this word even mean?" Jaemin points lazily at one of the big words in the textbook.  _ Exhilaration  _ it says but Jaemin can't even understand or pronounce it well. 

"That's  _ exhilaration _ . It means feelings of excitement or happiness," Chenle explains before going back to scribbling on his notebook. 

Jaemin furrows his eyebrows and huffs, "It's so hard to pronounce! Why do I have to learn this?"

"Because it'll expand your vocabulary?" Chenle doesn't even bother to look up from his book.

"It also expands my headache," Jaemin complains, picking up his head from the table just to rest it on his palm, turning to look at Chenle.

"I don't think I'll survive the english class. It's hard," Jaemin's words manage to make Chenle look up to face him, his expression clearly shows how he disagrees with Jaemin.

"Hey now, I'm sure you will," Chenle reassures but all Jaemin does is huffs once again before leaning onto his seat lazily.

"I don't know, I feel like I'm gonna fail. I don't understand anything and the teacher is confusing as fuck. The others seem to get a hang of it but I feel as if I'm left behind."

Renjun, Donghyuck and Jeno seem to have no problems in understanding the new english teacher they got. They compliment her teaching style and even go as far as saying she's their favourite. But Jaemin on the other hand has a hard time following her teachings. He feels like she goes a little faster and he can't catch up. Jaemin feels as if his friends are moving forward and improving while he's still stuck here, behind all of them. 

"Then, we'll put you back on track," Chenle answers, "I'll help you, hyung. No matter how long it takes, I'll help you."

Chenle gives him an encouraging smile and Jaemin would be lying if he says that doesn't make his heart skip a million beats. 

"Are you sure?" Jaemin asks, "I'm a frustrating student."

It's true. Jaemin can't even count the many times Renjun has to repeat everything to Jaemin just because it took him a while to understand stuff. Because of that Jaemin rarely ever goes to his friends, afraid that they're going to be frustrated with him. Besides, his friends have their own studying to deal with and he shouldn't be a burden to them and adds more to their plate. He'll do fine on his own.

"Of course I'm sure!" Chenle nods, "I believe in you, hyung. I always have. No matter how long it takes to help you, I'll always be by your side. It doesn't matter the situation, I promise to help and support you any way that I can."

Jaemin couldn't take his eyes off of Chenle's encouraging smile. Sure what he says isn't much but Jaemin could feel how sincere Chenle's proclamation is. Having someone who trusts you and wants to be by your side to support you is nice. Chenle has never been one to say things he didn't mean and the fact that Chenle believes in him and will support him makes his heart bubble with comforting warmth. 

"Thank you, Lele," Jaemin says, simply, giving Chenle a smile. 

"It's fine! Besides, you're already a frustrating person who I've dealt with for so many years. How bad can you be as a student?" Chenle jokes, making Jaemin scoff in disbelief.

"Excuse you, I'm a wonderful person."

Chenle eyes him for a while in feign consideration before shaking his head, "Nah, you're frustrating."

"I hate you," Jaemin throws a pen at Chenle, making the boy snicker in return.

"You love me," Chenle gives him an exaggerated wink and Jaemin pretends to puke instead.

He bites down the  _ I do  _ that sits at the tip of his tongue and threatens to come out. Not now. Definitely not now.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


And then, it happens.

It was only Jisung and Jaemin inside the dance studio. Jeno had left to go buy some drinks for them after losing at rock paper scissor. Jaemin lazily lays on the floor of the dance studio and Jisung joins him, laying only a few feets away from Jaemin. The both of them stare at the ceiling, expression blank as they try to get their muscles to relax after their practice.

"Hey, hyung," Jisung's voice break the silence between them. Jaemin, still staring at the ceiling, hums in response.

"Can you tell me something?"

"Sure, Jisung. What is it?"

There's another silence that passes them, as if Jisung hesitates to say the next bit. Jaemin waits for him patiently, not wanting to push him.

"Can you tell me about Chenle?" Jisung finally says and Jaemin doesn't miss how shy Jisung sounds asking the question. Jaemin feels his breath hitch, and doesn't know how to respond.

"W-well, um, what do you wanna know?" Jaemin asks and if Jisung notices the way his voice wavers he doesn't say anything.

"Everything." Jisung replies genuinely.

"Chenle, he's a lot of things," Jaemin starts, a smile already beginning to form on his face at the thought of Chenle, "Chenle loves and cares for everyone around him. He rarely says I love you or I miss you or anything like that. He shows his love and care in the way that he talks about them. He always brings up people he loves in a conversation and speaks highly about them. He remembers every single little detail about them, like how he remembers what Mark's favourite colour is even if it's been years since Mark mentions it. He would be the first one to defend anyone he loves. Like once when Renjun feels insecure about his art, Chenle was the one who pulls him to the side and says things about Renjun's art. Things like everyone is just jealous of Renjun's ability because they couldn't create a masterpiece like Renjun did."

Jaemin sighs before continuing, his smile never leaving his face, "Chenle is so stupidly braveㅡ" Jaemin laughs a little at that, "ㅡhe would always be the first one to jump at the opportunity to do something. He once asks Jeno to teach him how to skateboard on a whim and ends up with a bruised knee and elbowㅡ" Jaemin laughs again at the memory, "ㅡHe loves doing dangerous stuff. One of his dreams is to try bungee jumping. It's weird how he's so on board when it comes to doing things like this but he's absolutely afraid of horror movies."

Jisung laughs softly at that, silently begging Jaemin to continue which Jaemin did.

"Chenle is a fast learner and very competitive. Did you know he mastered archery and soccer in just a few days? Yeah, he's that good. He's very competitive and wouldn't accept a losing especially when he loses to Mark. Chenle is also careless, clumsy and forgetful. He always misplaces his stuff, always bumps into the same table corner and always, always doesn't care too much about his safety. He talks so much and laughs so loud. He's kind of annoying too. Some people used to make fun of him but he never really cared. He used to tell me that the only opinions that should matter are the ones you receive from the people you love. That's how much he treasures the people around him."

Jaemin stays quiet for a while, his heart speeds up at the mere thought of Chenle. Chenle and his sparkling eyes, Chenle and his vibrant personality, Chenle and the way he makes Jaemin feel. Jaemin can't believe he has so much love and space in his heart for this one boy. 

"And then?" Comes Jisung's question. Jisung couldn't help and be pulled into the story, just wanting to know more about Chenle. Jaemin sighs before continuing, a fond smile never leaves his face the moment he starts talking about Chenle.

"Lastly," Jaemin pauses a bit, "When Chenle is passionate about something, you can tell in the way that his eyes gleam. His eyes sparkle when he talks about his hometown, Shanghai. He sounds so excited whenever someone brings up Shanghai. I've never seen someone who's so in love with their hometown the way Chenle is. He talks about the places, the food and the people so fondly. But nothing can compare to the way Chenle's eyes glow when he's on stage, playing the piano and just performing. He loves it so much more than any other hobbies that he has. He sounds amazing on stage. As if that's where he belongs."

Jaemin remembers when Chenle was nervous to perform on stage, hands shaking when he played the piano. And now Chenle dominates the stage and Jaemin couldn't help the sense of pride that seeps into his heart.

"Chenle," Jaemin continues, "he’s like the sun. When he smiles at you, it feels like the sun has shined down at you. Brightening your day, giving you hope. His entire persona is like the sun, sometimes dazzling, making you want to pay attention to only him. Sometimes it's a bit overwhelming and you feel like you couldn’t keep up. But most times, he’s simply shining, beautifully so. And you can’t help but think that Chenle is stunning like that."

The two of them stay quiet for a few moments, thoughts racing inside their head. Jaemin couldn't help but feel slightly embarrassed by the fact that he just says a lot of essay worthy stuff about Chenle. If anyone hears him talking, they would've immediately known that he's in love with Chenle. They would've immediately seen that Jaemin is completely, irrevocably head over heels for Chenle. And Jaemin could only pray that Jisung doesn't notice.

His feelings for Chenle are deeper, maybe deeper than the ocean. He never feels anything like this for anyone, it's all so new to him. The heart palpitations, the need to touch, the swarming butterflies in his stomach, the lingering stares he gives Chenle, all of it are so strange and new to him. It makes him scared sometimes. Scared of these feelings that grow inside of him, scared of the feeling he holds for none other than Zhong Chenle.

"Hey hyung," Jisung calls. Jaemin doesn't bother to turn to look at him or to even respond. He knows Jisung knows he's listening.

"I think," Jisung pauses, hesitated or nervous, Jaemin doesn't know.

"I think I'm in love with Chenle."

As soon as the words leaves Jisung's mouth, Jaemin's heart breaks.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Chenle doesn’t need to say what he feels about Jisung. Jaemin knows.

It’s subtle, but Jaemin has always paid a bit more attention to Chenle so he knows. Every time something funny happens, Chenle turns to look at Jisung first, as if to see if he laughs. Every time Jisung talks, Chenle gives him his full attention, listening to him intently. Chenle leans into Jisung’s space, getting a bit closer than necessary, touching his shoulder or hand longer than needed. Chenle’s face lights up whenever he sees Jisung, like his entire day is complete. He mentions Jisung in any conversation, just listing off small things that Jisung had done or what Jisung likes.

Chenle doesn’t have to declare his feelings to the world for Jaemin to know that Chenle is in love with Jisung. 

And whenever Chenle is with Jisung, he looks like he's the happiest he has ever been. Like all his worries, insecurities and doubts washes away with just a simple presence of Jisung. Chenle looks happy just being around Jisung. Beautifully so.

It hurts Jaemin, more than he wants it to. It hurts that Jaemin couldn’t be the one that makes Chenle happy, the one that Chenle always thinks about when he can’t sleep at night, the one that gives Chenle butterflies when he so much as looks at him. The one that holds his heart. 

Jaemin couldn't do anything about it. He wouldn't even if he can. Not when Jisung is Chenle's entire happiness. Seeing Chenle happy is enough for Jaemin. He wouldn't take that away from Chenle. 

So, he did the only thing that he could. He cries himself to sleep, in hopes that the morning when he wakes up, the pain would be long gone.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


“You’re acting weird.” That’s the first thing Renjun said to Jaemin when he enters Jaemin’s room one Saturday afternoon.

Jaemin, who’s lying on his bed reading a novel, looks up to face Renjun. “Hello to you too. Close the door Renjun.”

Renjun rolls his eyes when Jaemin doesn’t acknowledge his question before turning to close the door. He makes his way to stand in front of Jaemin’s bed, wrinkling his nose in disgust as he eyes Jaemin’s dirty laundry that is piling up at the corner of his bed. 

“Something’s wrong with you, Nana.” Renjun says, maintaining eye contact with Jaemin. Jaemin sighs, knowing he won’t be able to get away with this. When Renjun is determined to get something out of you, nothing will stop him. Jaemin puts his novel on the end table beside his bed, making sure he already marks the page he just finished reading before turning to face Renjun again.

“Whatever is wrong with me, Junnie?” Jaemin smiles innocently, sitting up properly on his bed and crossing his leg. Renjun raises an eyebrow, as if telling Jaemin that he can’t fool him, before making his way to sit on the edge of Jaemin’s bed. His eyes never left Jaemin.

“Well, first of all you refuse to hang out with any of us this weekend,” Renjun lists off, holding up one finger to count everything that goes wrong with Jaemin.

“I have an essay to finish,” Jaemin reasons. 

“You’re not even doing your essay when I got here,”

“I was resting!”

“Second of all!” Renjun exclaims, holding out another finger, “You give too many excuses whenever we want to hang out as a group.”

Just as Jaemin is about to open his mouth, Renjun cuts him off again, “Third, you suddenly have shit ton of work to do. Like, seriously Jaemin? You’re busier than Mark hyung and that’s saying something.”

“Well I-”

“Lastly, you avoid Chenle,” Renjun states, eyes stern and Jaemin knows there’s  _ really  _ no way of getting out of this, “Whenever you’re left alone with him you scramble up to leave. You won’t even look at him anymore, Jaemin. He asks if you can accompany him to the library and you straight up said you don’t have time. I don’t know if you notice, but you hurt his feelings. He thinks he did something wrong. Now tell me, does he?”

Jaemin bites his lower lip, guilts start to fill him up. Hurting Chenle has never been Jaemin’s intention. He simply wants to get away from him a bit, hoping that in doing so his feelings would dissipate. And yet it brings him nothing but unsettledness, as if his feelings get heavier and heavier each passing day. He misses Chenle too and fuck, knowing that he hurt Chenle with his actions makes him feel ten times worse. 

“It’s not his fault,” Jaemin says, voice low. It’s true, isn’t it? It’s not Chenle’s fault that Jaemin falls in love with him even after he says Chenle isn’t his type. It’s not Chenle’s fault that Jaemin can’t get him out of his head. It’s especially not Chenle’s fault that he doesn’t feel the same way about Jaemin. It’s not Chenle’s fault that he falls in love with someone else. Nobody can control their feelings and who they fall in love with. It’s neither of their fault and yet it still hurts Jaemin. 

“Then why?” Renjun asks. Everybody knows when it comes to Chenle, Renjun wouldn’t hesitate to fight.

“Why are you doing this, Jaemin? Tell me the truth or I swear-”

“I’m in love with him, okay?!” Jaemin exclaims, looking down at his lap and avoiding Renjun’s gaze. Renjun doesn’t say anything, maybe he’s in shock, Jaemin doesn't know. He doesn’t dare to look up. 

“And it hurts, Renjun. It hurts so much to be around him when I’m so head over heels for him and he doesn’t feel the same way. I can’t be around him when I’m in love with him and he’s in love with someone else. It hurts so much then I expect it to be and I… I can’t.” Jaemin feels tears start streaming down and he couldn’t tell when he starts crying. He sniffs, wiping his tears away, not wanting Renjun to see him like this. But no matter what he did, the tears won’t stop falling.

He doesn’t remember when or how it happens, all he knows is that one second he’s crying alone and then next, Renjun wraps his arms around him, bringing him into a tight embrace. Jaemin turns to bury his head in Renjun’s shoulder, letting himself cry. He feels Renjun’s hand going up and down his back, trying to soothe him. They stay like that for a while, nothing but the silence surrounding them.

  
  
  
  


“Maybe you should tell him, Nana,” Renjun says, looking down at Jaemin who’s laying on his lap as he plays with Jaemin’s hair. They have to move to this position after Jaemin had spent the last few minutes crying to Renjun.

“And what? Hear it from his mouth that he doesn’t see me like that? No thanks,” Jaemin scoff. It’s hard enough that he has to see Chenle being in love with someone else but to hear him say it himself? Jaemin knows that would hurt even more.

“Nana,” Renjun starts with a soft voice, looking at Jaemin with concern, “Letting him know might help you to move on, to finally let go.”

“How does that help me? How would you know that we won’t lose our friendship?”

“The more you keep your feelings inside, the heavier it becomes. It’ll overwhelm and hurt you even more. It’s better to let your feelings out before it gets out of control. It’ll be easier for you to breathe. Trust me, Nana.” Renjun gives him a comforting smile, petting his head in a comforting manner, making Jaemin lean into his touch. Jaemin thinks, maybe, Renjun is right.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Jaemin sees Chenle sitting on a bench at the park after school just as he’s walking home from his extra classes. 

It's a little weird that Chenle is at the park alone when he’s supposed to be at home around an hour ago because his class finishes early. There’s no signs of Jisung either. They’re still not on speaking terms because Jaemin hasn’t made the move to apologize. Jaemin bit his lips, unsure if he should walk up to Chenle before finally deciding that it’s best to end this hiding game he started. Taking a deep breath, he walks up to Chenle, hoping that everything goes well.

“Hey,” Jaemin greets, awkwardness seeps into the air. He stands a good distance from Chenle, not too far and not too close. Chenle turns to face the voice that greets him, raising an eyebrow in shock when he sees Jaemin.

“Hi,” Chenle acknowledges, “are you finally done avoiding me?”

There’s no bite in the way that he talks but it makes Jaemin flinch nonetheless. Guilt begins to build inside of him. 

“Uhm, yeah, I guess,” Jaemin replies weakly, finding his worn out school shoes far more interesting than Chenle’s face.

“You could’ve just told me if I did something wrong, hyung,” Chenle says, his voice lacks the usual excitement that Jaemin is used to. 

“Chenle, it’s not your fault,” Jaemin looks up slowly, looking at Chenle who’s looking at him. 

“Then why did you do it?”

“I’m sorry, Lele, really. It’s never my intention to hurt you. Everything that happens isn’t your fault, I was just being stupid. I have my reasons, really, but I’m just not ready to tell you just yet. I’m really sorry, again,” Jaemin doesn’t dare to look up to see Chenle’s expression once he finishes his apology speech. All sense of guilt and shame hits him in the moment. The silence that fills the atmosphere didn’t help to calm his nerves either.

He doesn’t know how many moments has passed before Chenle finally breaks the silence that surrounds them, “It’s fine Jaemin hyung I forgive you.”

Jaemin looks up to see Chenle smiling warmly at him, petting the empty seat next to him, inviting Jaemin to sit next to him. 

“Thank god, I thought I have to blackmail you or something,” Jaemin jokes while taking his seat next to Chenle.

“You lucky I somewhat like you,” Chenle chuckles, turning to face the front. 

Chenle kicks the pebble on the ground with his feet, looking at it as it moves a few steps from him. The setting sun kisses Chenle’s face, making him look even more beautiful in Jaemin’s humble opinion. He looks as if he’s in a painting, delicate and serene. Jaemin couldn’t help but stare because this Chenle is so different from the usual excitable and sunny Chenle. This Chenle is calm and at ease, he looks more mature and yet, still beautiful as ever. 

“So, why are you here all alone?” Jaemin asks, eyes never leaving Chenle.

“I need to calm my nerves, the piano recital is around the corner,” Chenle stares at the sunset, hands by his side and gripping the bench.

“I’m sure you do well, Lele. You always did,” Jaemin assures, putting his hand on Chenle’s shoulder.

"Thanks, hyung. It's just that performing is such a scary thing," Chenle says, "But I'm sure I'll be fine as long as you and the others are there to support me."

"Of course we will, Lele. Every step of your way, we'll be here," Jaemin drops his hand that is on Chenle's shoulder, sending Chenle a comforting smile instead.

"Can I have a cuddle?" Chenle asks and Jaemin, unable to say no (not that he ever wants to), wraps his arm around Chenle's shoulders and both of them lean on the bench. Chenle rests his head on Jaemin's shoulder, making himself comfortable while wrapping his arm around Jaemin's waist.

"I miss you, Nana hyung," Jaemin's breath hitches at Chenle's silent confession. 

He prays Chenle doesn't hear the way his heart beat as he answers Chenle's confession with a "Me too."

Jaemin remembers when he told Jisung that Chenle is like the sun and he can't help but think it's true. He's like the sun, always beautiful, always manages to bedazzle everyone, and always the biggest star in the universe.

And like the sun, he's unreachable.

No matter how hard Jaemin wishes, Chenle's heart will never be his. 

Maybe in another universe, there's a Chenle who loves Jaemin just as much as Jaemin did. But this isn't that universe and he should stop dreaming.

But this once, with his arms wrapped around Chenle, Jaemin wants to be selfish. Just this once, Jaemin wants to steal time. He wants to forget. To forget that his love is unrequited, to forget that Chenle's heart doesn't beat for him, to pretend that just this once, there's only the two of them together.

So, he allowed himself one selfish action. He leans in and drops a kiss on Chenle's forehead. He lets himself linger a bit before pulling away, ignoring the way his whole system malfunctions. Chenle looks up at him and smiles before turning away.

Jaemin exhales, he needs to let go.

  
  


☆

  
  


So, Jaemin takes Renjun's advice.

Chenle's piano recital happens during a Saturday night. The theater is filled with parents and friends who're there to watch the recitals and the six of them with both Renjun's and Chenle's parents have somehow managed to snagged the entire second row for themselves. 

Jaemin has never really been a big fan of recitals or theater. The crowds are too big, a bit overwhelming and sure, the music is nice but really he only cares about one performer. After a few people have performed, it's finally Chenle's turn. Chenle enters the stage in his black suit and red necktie, hair styled neatly and a confident yet calm look taken over his usual happy face. Chenle looks handsome, Jaemin thinks. He looks handsome and Jaemin can feel his heart bursting in his chest as Chenle walks to the piano in the middle of the stage, ready to perform.

The second Chenle hits the first note, Jaemin is hypnotised. 

The beautiful sound of a familiar piece echoes in the theater. Jaemin has heard Chenle practice this piece a few times enough to know how it sounds like but no matter how many times Chenle plays this song, Jaemin would still be mesmerized. It's not about the song, of course not. But rather how Chenle looks like he's glowing everytime he so much as touches the piano keys.

His eyes always shine brighter than the stars above every time he performs. His face concentrates and yet there's still a hint of smile and sense of proudness with every key he touches. His fingers move delicately to the beat, pressing every key almost making it seem like playing the piano is the easiest thing to do. When Chenle is up on the stage, playing the piano, he always has this vibe that attracts people to pay attention to him, only him. Chenle looks like he belongs on stage. Like he's born to be a pianist, a performer. Chenle looks like he's home. Chenle looks breathtaking.

And Jaemin feels like he's falling in love all over again.

It hurts him. To fall in love with Chenle. But Jaemin thinks he's glad that the universe has given him a chance to know and love someone as beautiful as Chenle. 

Jaemin glances at Jisung who sits next to him. Jisung never takes his eyes off of Chenle, looking like he's ready to give Chenle the world. Jaemin smiles bitterly. With that, Jaemin turns back at the performance, a silent sigh escaping his mouth.  _ It's time to let go.  _

  
  
  
  
  
  


After the recital has finished, the entirety of them goes to Chenle to congratulate him, giving him all the praises he deserves. Chenle smiles and laughs the entire time, giving them hugs in the process. The hug between him and Jisung lingers a little bit longer than others, Jaemin notices. 

Renjun and Chenle's parents excuse themselves to go back home, giving the seven of them time to go and have dinner with each other. While the rest of them are busy engaging in various conversations, Jaemin decides that it's time. He puts his hand on Chenle's shoulder, gaining the boy's attention. 

"Yes, hyung?" Chenle turns to look at him, tilting his head to the side. Jaemin smiles a bit.

"Can we talk in private for a sec?" Jaemin asks to which Chenle nods at as a response. Jaemin leads the way out, catching Renjun's eyes in the process. Renjun gives him a brief encouraging smile and Jaemin nods. He can do this.

"What do you wanna talk about, hyung?" Chenle asks when they finally arrive at the parking lot of the theater.

Jaemin exhales, trying to calm himself before saying the next bit.

"Chenle," He starts, making Chenle stare up at him, "I'm in love with you."

The air is quiet before Jaemin decides to go on, "I have been since I was 12."

"And it's ridiculous because I used to tell myself that I wouldn't date you because you're not my type but look at me now," Jaemin chuckles as he continues. He needs to get all of this out, "But how can I not fall for you, Chenle when you're always been like this?" 

Jaemin looks at Chenle and he can't find it in himself to stop, "When you're the person who helps a 12 years old me gain back my confidence. When you have always been like the sun, shining down on me, giving me hope and always believing me. When you have always been so beautiful and so radiant that I can't even look at anyone else but you. You're always so stunning and caring and wonderful and I'm in love with you. How can I not be?"

"And I know these feelings aren't mutual. I'm okay with that. I'm okay with that because seeing you surrounded by happiness, is the only thing that should matter. Even if it wasn't me who makes you happy, I'm okay with that. You deserve the world, Chenle and I know Jisung can be the one who gives you the world." Jaemin closes his eyes, sighing before letting out the final word.

"I love you, Zhong Chenle. I just wanted you to know."

Jaemin doesn't know what to expect after his confession. But what Jaemin never expected was tears escaping Chenle's eyes and a sob accompanying it. Jaemin panics, moving forward to put a comforting hand on Chenle's shoulder. Before he could so much as utter a word, Chenle cuts him off.

"Hyung….I'm sorry. I'm really….sorry." Chenle looks down, trying to rub his tear with the sleeves of his expensive suit.

"It's not your fault, Lele." Jaemin tries to convince, giving Chenle a comforting smile, even though Chenle can't see it.

"I-I hurt you hyung! For the past years and I...I'm really sorry." Seeing Chenle cry like this, hurts Jaemin's heart even more. 

"It's not your fault. None of it were. We can't help who falls for and it's fine. I just….I need to move on and let go."

"Will you be okay, hyung?" Chenle looks up to him, eyes sparkling because of the tears he shed. Jaemin smiles at him.

"I'll be okay in time, Lele." And he's sure.

"Will you…cut contacts with me?" Chenle's voice cracks as he voices out his question. 

"No." Jaemin states, firmly. "I might need space but I won't do that to you." The thoughts of just abandoning Chenle makes his stomach twist in an uncomfortable manner.

"You promise?"

"I promise."

Hesitantly, Jaemin moves closer and brings Chenle to his embrace. Chenle hugs him back, as tight as he could as if to comfort Jaemin. 

“I’m sorry, hyung.” He hears Chenle whisper, gently. Jaemin’s lips curve into a sad smile as he pats Chenle’s back.

“It’s fine, Lele.”

"There they are!" Donghyuck's loud voice reaches them and the both of them pull away, slowly. 

Jaemin looks down at Chenle whose eyes are a little red from crying. He gives him a smile.

"Come on, Lele. We need to go." Chenle nods in response as their friends come closer to them.

"We've been looking everywhere for you! Come on, I'm starving!" Donghyuck complains as he drags Mark and Jeno to Mark's car. Chenle gives Jaemin a smile before moving to walk next to Jisung. 

"Are you okay?" Jaemin hears Jisung ask as the both of them walk in front of him, worry laces in his words.

"I am." Chenle replies and if Jaemin sees Jisung intertwines their pinky together, it's none of his business.

"You good, Na?" Renjun settles next to Jaemin, walking along with him. 

Jaemin glances at Renjun a bit before turning to look in front. 

"I feel like it's easier to breathe now." A small smile graces Jaemin's feature.

"I'm glad." Renjun whispers back.

And Jaemin is too.

  
  


☆

  
  


“Here!” Renjun says as he throws Jaemin his ice cream which Jaemin manages to catch, barely.

“So,” Renjun starts, taking his place next to Jaemin, “how was your talk with Chenle last night?”

Jaemin opens the lid of his ice cream, licking the remaining ice cream that gets on the lid before throwing it to the side. He licks his ice cream and nods in satisfaction before turning to face Renjun.

“It went fine. It makes me feel like a shit ton of burden has been lifted from my shoulders.” He answers, taking a bite from his ice cream and cringing when the sudden coldness enters his mouth.

“What did I tell you? It’ll help and you feel a lot better now. I should make money out of this,” Renjun licks his own ice cream, almost tumbling down when Jaemin nudges him.

“Yeah don’t get too cocky, Junnie. I still haven’t fully moved on yet,” Jaemin says. Renjun gives him a soft glance, smiling gently at him. 

“It’s gonna take a while to fully move on but you’ll get there soon, Nana,” Renjun puts a comforting hand on Jaemin’s shoulder, reassuring him.

Jaemin smiles softly, “I know, Jun.”

Falling in love with the sun, Jaemin learns, is beautiful as the sun has always been by his side, giving him hope and brightening his day. However, falling in love with the sun is also painful. For the sun has always been out of his reach and all Jaemin can do is admire him. But Jaemin didn't regret it, not even a bit.

**Author's Note:**

> nobody:  
> me: projecting my love for chenle in the form of a fictional na jaemin
> 
> hhh thank u for reading this! truth to be told i wasn't really satisfied with it :// i feel like it lacks something but no matter how many times i redo it i'm not quite happy but whatever its out now!! also it is happy ending bcs jaemin learns to let go of his feelings but its not a happy ending where they ends up together sorry abt that :<
> 
> i struggle with the ending bcs lmao idk how to end this so i just throw in a random scene and monologue and hopes it works. also the angst doesn't hurt that much hhh but regardless thank u again for reading this!!


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